You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize