Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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