I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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