i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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