This is not my ceiling
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize