..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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