I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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