If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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