If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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