Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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