where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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