you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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