hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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