I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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