Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
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nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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