he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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