I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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