Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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