I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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