I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize