I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
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Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize