covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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