If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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