Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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