her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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