she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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