I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize