you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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