I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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