did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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