What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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