i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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