Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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