Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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