Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
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I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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