Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize