I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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