She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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