My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
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i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize