my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize