We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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