i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize