i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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