Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize