Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
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At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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