I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize