i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize