Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize