Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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