what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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